Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
