We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
