Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
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