He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
