It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
