from now on my penis is your penis
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
