party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
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