I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
two words: eviction party
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
