this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
