Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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