I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize