Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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