i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
