Can Purell be used as lube?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
