i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
she told me i tasted like america
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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