Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
