I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize