It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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