dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
