We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
