if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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