Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
