I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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