I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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