So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
