I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
