giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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