dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
