Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
