Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
His hands were made for my vagina.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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