im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize
