Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Just invented taco cereal.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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