My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
