I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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