Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
