dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
