People with herpes should wear stickers.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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