Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
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