I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
organizing the empties. That sober.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
