Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
