it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
