fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
