I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
