This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
