I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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