I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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