you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
