whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
