I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
My feet surprised me
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
