am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
You have to summon your inner elephant
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
