Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
