happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Randomize
