the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
