I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
