Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
