This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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