I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
