Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
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