There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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