it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
