No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Someone came in the potted fern
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
