i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
porn star boner night. come get it.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
