Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
