There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize