Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
