you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Randomize
