When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
