Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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