Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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