The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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